I post a quote of the day every single day, I admire positivity and motivation, I boast about becoming the best version of myself but how much of this is real vs for social media? I live for trying to look at the glass half full and continuously push myself to rid of negative thoughts, feelings, people or environments so that I am setting myself up for complete success. Sometimes though, we find ourselves lost, unsure, negative and a loss of hope for our future.

TBH, that was the definition of my life a couple years ago. I was depressed, unsure of my future, didn’t know who I was and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t know what was staring back. With a full college degree ahead of me, I went through the motions of a traditional American success story. 4.0 GPA, Student Body President, nation wide competitive dancer with multiple awards and trophies and much in-between. But behind all of this success was a girl who couldn’t find her way. It was a cover up for admiration and acceptance from my peers, family and friends. I wasn’t doing any of it for ME (ok except dancing that was my pride and joy. It was an outlet, but I felt pressured to always win).

Moving to LA to go to college was the best move I could ever make for myself. Away from my family and peers, I could make clear headed decisions on what I really wanted. There wasn’t anyone around me to sway if I was wrong or right, good or bad, going in the right direction or not. And soon enough, I found myself ditching the idea of college and fully motivated in a direction of the industry. I feel like LA kind of swallowed me up. A big spoonful of naive fresh small town blood, and I was hooked! From radiology major to represented model in LA wasn’t too shabby. But what REALLY mattered, what REALLY made my life change from unsure, lost and depressed, was finally finding my own happiness. It’s not that my happiness didn’t involve studying hard and reading books- I actually live for learning- it was that I had a chance for the first time in my life to just figure it out.

For the first time in my life, I had freedom everywhere around me. I could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone, try anything, etc. Funny enough, this is when I got my “free” tattoo on my ribs- the second I moved to LA away from the pressure, expectations and road that was already paved for me, I felt free. I got the tattoo because truly that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be. Free from others’ expectations of success, free from their opinions, free from the conservative and close mindedness of my hometown, free to roam, free to explore, free to learn and free to be LIBERTY. I wish I could explain this feeling I had. It was all I ever needed to get outside myself and really start my life.

So as I continue to grow into myself, I am finally realizing the things that are important to me- a piece of my happiness if you will. I am not here to judge, but instead here to find what works for myself and to share in hopes that maybe it might resonate with just ONE of you. By building a life solely from my own creation of curiosity, love, exploration, happiness and growth, I live to be the best I can be. It’s not that I don’t have bad days, it’s that I’m trying to have less of them. So here I want to share with you my story and where I began my new life from depressed, lost and pressured to being confident, positive and more motivated than ever. A little hint where it all began? With myself and my motivation for CHANGE. Nobody did it for me, I did it for myself.

Listen to my interview here with Lindsay Cooley AKA Life Lessons with Lins!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/life-lessons-with-lins/id1446323898?mt=2&i=1000433209660